Influencing as an introvert
I just read Susan Cain’s book Quiet and have been reflecting on it lately. This is a book about introverts, defined by psychologists. It gave me some insight into introversion, which I had previously only related it to sociability and the need to “recharge”. While people are complex and are always on a spectrum of these things, I related to many of the stereotypical traits cited in the book:
Easily overstimulated
Conflict averse
Less outwardly expressive
Cautious to risk and new experiences
Tendency to think and consider all possibilities first
Difficulty with small talk, but fine with what I care about
These traits seem counterintuitive to a corporate design environment which favours loudness, collaboration and relationship building. This was even more prominent in my previous career of advertising, where it was all about showmanship. Throughout my career, I’ve created some strategies to help me work around this and hopefully also made other introverts in the team feel comfortable too.
When facilitating brainstorms or crits, I run silent contributions before discussions
This prevents the loudest one dominating the session or springing a question on someone before they’ve formulated a thought (I personally freeze up when that happens!). Sending a pre-read can be helpful but from experience, many people don’t have the time to prepare. Having silent feedback lets people write down their feedback allows everyone have their thoughts heard before getting influenced by others. If there was an interesting piece of feedback, I would then ask that person more about it. As they already had time to formulate their thoughts, even an introvert would feel more comfortable to say something.
2. For icebreakers or onboarding, I avoid questions like “fun facts about yourself”
Remember how small talk is hard for introverts? This falls under the same category. There’s nothing fun about it at all. It’s too vague and impersonal. It makes me start questioning myself and comparing with others – what if I’m not as interesting as them? Asking specific questions can still be fun and even more playful at times, like “What’s a path that you almost took but didn’t?” (or “magical questions” as Priya Parker calls it).
3. If I can’t keep up in a discussion, I leave comments
As someone who is slow to think and react, I take time formulate my thoughts. And when there are more dominating personalities in a discussion, I tend to freeze or hesitate to speak. By the time I have an opinion, the moment is gone. Thankfully with technology, I’m able to leave my comments on the documents or files shared. And while people might forget what was discussed in the frenzy of a meeting, my opinion is documented and remembered (though thank god for the edit function of comments). This also allows me to have a quieter, more controlled conversation with the person later.
4. I made async communications are my best friend
Similar to the previous point, I try to take advantage of as many of the async communications as much as possible to make myself heard. I always create a strategy document or project brief, which helps me provide visibility over my work without needing to be loud about it. Sometimes, I also create fun newsletters and reports of my project updates for stakeholders and leads – I’m not the only one happy to have lesser meetings.
5. I learnt to be comfortable with building relationships slowly
I had always envied my chattier colleagues who seemed so comfortable to strike up affable conversations with leadership or anyone new right off the bat. I always find myself too shy or unsure of what to say. After working with them for a while, I’ve found myself more comfortable and starting conversations that I personally find more genuine. Sometimes, I would reach out to them async first to get a bit of an ice-breaker going too.
6. I started discovering the type of sharing opportunities that I’m comfortable with
Throughout my career, I’ve tried many forms of sharing, from large presentations to facilitating panels to 1:1 mentoring sessions and office hours. I’ve learnt that I hated large presentations on a stage but fine if they were online or just in a room where everyone sat in a circle, hated facilitating discussions but fine with participating, didn’t mind mentoring though 1:1 conversations still give me anxiety if I had no agenda. Of course, sharing in the form of write-ups were always my favourite. It’s probably different for everyone but trying out what works and doesn’t work helps me understand where my boundaries lie.
It can be tough if you’re not in a place that’s provides those opportunities though, I once had the fortune of working in a company that understood this and ensured that there were enough variation in such forums so everyone would feel comfortable participating and be heard.
This list is definitely non-exhaustive and I would probably create another as I learn new ways and strategies. They may not be any groundbreaking ideas, but I do hope it can help some others who are struggling, spark some new ideas or at least, shed light on how we can be more inclusive to introverts at work too.
